MOTHERHOOD: 101

What They Don't Tell You

I was writing a message in a card for my boss as she welcomes her baby boy and as I was writing, I figured hey I should probably blog about this. I started the letter talking about all of the things people don’t tell you before having a baby but probably should.

No Privacy

Be prepared for that thing called privacy to be completely taken away from you. I mean I can’t even use the restroom unless:
a) My son is in there with me.
b) I’m singing the ABC song loud enough for him to clearly hear me.
c) I'm playing peek-a-boo, popping my head out of the bathroom door to let him know I have not abandoned him for the 45 seconds it took me to pee.
Yes Tre mommy is still here, but it’s extremely difficult to wipe and hold you at the same time.

Laundry

Laundry becomes a daily chore. My son goes through more outfit changes than Beyoncé performing a 4-hour set. He hasn’t mastered the whole staying clean thing. I found him yesterday bathing himself with apple sauce in the family room.
Which brings me to my next subject…

ABW

In Glen Garry Glen Ross they teach their sales associates the A.B.C's of business, Always Be Closing. Well when Momming, A.B.W. Always Be Watching!! It doesn’t matter that you only turned your head for less than a minute, man babies are sneaky little things. I hid his yogurt puffs, and 20 seconds later I found him making it rain treats all over the microfiber couch. When he gets older I know I’m going to want him on my team, all the magical stuff he pulls off.

Our Meals

Your meals are their meals. I’ve tried feeding my son before I eat to get him all nice and full, but there’s just something about me wanting to savor a meal or beverage to myself that obviously drives him crazy. I’m like dude trust me you do not want this lemon wedge I’m sucking on, but yeah he does. You shall never eat your favorite plate solo so make sure you make enough for two or be prepared to share.

Make It Rain

You think you have that extra money for guacamole, don’t you? Not with a kid you don’t, children are expensive. I only bring this up because I looked at my bank statement the other day and realized I probably shell out 2-3k a month on this tiny human. Food, clothes, diapers, toys, care, tools, activities, and medical expenses OH MY!

Sleepless In America

Sleep? You’re going to have to look up the definition of sleep in Webster’s Dictionary within your first week of being a mom. How soundly does Tre’s father sleep as I have to wake up to feed and comfort our son after working a 9-hour shift, cooking dinner, and doing laundry all with a cold. I’m lucky if I get 6 hours of sleep but hey I guess I signed up for this when I allowed him to hit me with that extra pelvic thrust.

Panic Attacks Are Normal

You are going to worry and panic like nothing you've ever encountered! Suddenly you'll crave for the now slight anxiety you felt when your college professor announced, "POP QUIZ" and you weren't in the slightest prepared. SIDS, RSV, colds, a cough, a sneeze, a blink or even a slight variation of breath will warrant a trip to the ER. 

Blessings

I don’t want all of these things to scare expecting mothers because, with everything I mentioned, I wouldn’t change being a mother for the world. I am blessed to be a Mom! My son gives me a sense of purpose, fills me with love, motivates me, and makes me happy beyond belief. For everything that has to be sacrificed, there is the reward in the form of hugs, smiles, and kisses… Love from your child is the best thing ever!!